Sunday, June 27, 2004
.*argh* i think im entering into a phase of depression!
rah,
fuck lah ok.im pissed.im annoyed
and
i really really wany to hide in a corner and cry.
i disgust my ownself.i have no idea wtf im doing anymore.
my hw is not completed.
i lost all my logos for my aep project.
my things are in a mess.
my work is not finished,.
my eye is swollen with a possible chance that my contact lens has dissolved into my eye
cuz i was so bloody hell tired that i fell asleep with them,
seriously. i needn a break i need time to stop
i need everything to come to a halt.
or else im just going to open my window and scream out like a thousand million vulgarities.im so bloody stressed.
i think i expect too much of myself.
and i think i just screw everything up.cuz i have no idea what i want.
im always so confused and so busy with all my outside activities
i've never actually sat down and considered
what exactly do i want to do.
i REALLY want to go hide in the corner and cry.wail.bawl. whatever,
but i can't.
cuz i still have this this that to do.
maybe for the next hols i'll cancel all my appointments lock myself in one room for an entire week with food ration and all my hw scattered around me
and maybe then i'll be able to get smth i want done.
wtf is wrong with me seriously.
argh.im so frustrated not at anyone but myself.
i just can't understand
i always end up getting very tired and falling asleep in my contacts and getting muself in trouble with the optician.
or im always losing stuff that are of importance to me.and yet again iget myself in trouble.
or.i studay bloody hard for some test but get a bloody low pass.
OR i just can't do everything right.
somehow im glad im at home ALONE now.
cuz if my parents were around they'd think im mad and give me a lecture to me on how this is all my fault.one problem there though I KNOW IT IS MY FAULT i don't need someone to tell me again.or else before i know it
u'll really see me breaking down.i hate it.
i hate it whenthey kepp reminding u
that u r in all this mess
cuz u did it upon ur self when i already know that.
it makes me realisethat im sucha mess.
really its annoying.i really wish parents could understand more of their
children and just stop rubbing salt into the wound.
i REALLY REALLY REAALLY wanna scream.
u noe i just realise that i always have such breakdowbns.
every semster.
*rah*..
i think im just gonna screw up chinese project and aep project.
its either that or tmrw i ask for an extension.
cuz i don't think i can do anything at the present.
or else my papers would all be drenched in my tears.
.i wanted sunshine but i got rain.
disapoointment haunted all my dreams.
` repeat-
