Wednesday, July 07, 2004
.u noe.im back from dinner.
and well throughout my whole little supposed family dinner
since my sis is returning to aussie tmrw.
and well throughout the whole dinner.
i felt really empty.
although its one of the few times i've ever eaten my weekday dinner with my parents
and one sister and my maid.
oh..and well please this is prolly one of my most ever personal entries ever so yeah.
well dun mind..
kae.so well.
my family is sitting down at the dining area. its 9.00pm already.
my mom has only just got home and my dad as well
for once on a weekday my family is together.
well.i sit there.we say grace and we eat
it's rather quiet.
my sis isnt exactly in a very good mood and well is rather pre-occupied in messaging.
while my mom just sits on..and well eats..looking sadly on.my maid..is well just eating in silence.
my dad is just looking around the table for more food that he is able to eat since he just had his tooth extracted today and has to eat porridge instead of what the rest of us had.
my sis all of a sudden started cursing her head off just cuz some sending message error she made and walked off into her room cursing and cursing.
my dd just gets pissed that she's using the F words.
and well she's screaming into the phone and everything.
and the rest of us at the dining table just sit on in silence eating
the dinner that was supposedly speacially for her.the one hu is not present anymore but cursing into the phone.the one hu was just well not really saying much in any case.
so my dad..walks about..finds fried noodles that my sis had bought in the afternoon cuz he's still hungry..i remind him about his tooth.
and well he shruggs me off saying he's hungry and well..i think..i feel that he shld understand that my maid had specially prepared this meal..rather grand one too for the family but yet.he's insulting her by eating that packet of bought noodles infront of her face choosing it over her food.and he's just plainly eating it while i hang my head low eating my birds nest...
and i think...my dad; he's ill.he has diabetes and yet he doesnt take care of himself he still chooses to eat such oily and disgustingly filled msg food. which isnt exactly the best thing for him to eat.and later on he complains about how expensive dentistry is in singapore. cuz he's gg to spend two thousand over on a crown for his teeth.and i sit there and think.but..but..y do u complain./y do u complain..its ur health u are talking about.y compare ur health to money.i think about that in silence i dare not say it out cuz i know that he'd surely retaliate.
and i had no intentions or arguing with him tonight.
i regarded this dinner as smth special.
but yet.
and my sis..she just acted as if this was nth.
and her frens were more impt
her attitude towards us..the coldness she showed when we offered to send her off tmrw.
but she found it was useless..yeah maybe it is.but..we;re ur family..dont u want to see us there?..i mean the next time we see each other again wld be in like 6 mths..thats long...a long time...
so..my dad eats his birds nest..and walks out into the living room
to watch news.
my sis decides to go get her friend from downstairs.
left at the table.me.my mom.my maid.
we're sitting there in silence.
there was hardly any conversation hardly any topic.
to me..i shldnt have waited for my family.
i shld have just ate before them .
cuz it wld have been the same.
there was no connection at all.
we didnt seem like a family at all and maybe if i had eaten with my maid like the usual i wldnt be now sitting infront of the computer crying and feeling upset about how my family has drifted apart.
and how it feels so empty.
i hate crying over such trival matters.
i know i think too much i know that.but everything i reflected on was true,.
it was all blatant truth.
the main person we're having this dinner gathering for cant be bothered!she only wants to message and care about her frens before she leaves tmrw.
my dad doesnt give a damn about his health and feels money is more impt then health when me and my mom are the ones worrying for him.
my mom and i.just in silence.
i really dont know i feel so fustrated i feel so empty.
i hate crying but i cant help it.
its not my fault.
` repeat-
