Thursday, December 01, 2005
you know how sometimes no matter you try to get something out of your head it just never seems to budge? and like its just jammed up there.
with like no solution except time.
and even time itself seems like its betraying you when it keeps coming to a stand still.
and forcing upon you to keep remembering things u want to forget?
yeah that's exactly how i feel right about now.
no matter how much it hurts and how much suffering these thoughts bring you;
you just never seem to let them go.maybe its cuz im clutching on to them or something.
i dont know why really.
maybe i need to start over a new to forget all of them and recover from it.
but why is it just so bloody difficult to do so.
this sucks.seriously sucks.
im tired of being upset.
im tired of thinking about these thoughts.
im tired of waiting for time to quickly pass.
and most importantly im tired of succumbing into such foolish memories and thoughts.
im tired for being so elusive and submissive.
im really tired and i really want to let go.
normally; when i drown myself in work.
or when i submerge myself in like my ccas and become a full time workaholic,
it takes away all my worries and anxieties.
but it just doesnt seem as easy anymore.
its getting frustrating.
at times thoughts of giving in come but i have to force myself to let them go.
maybe the theory of becoming a workaholic to forget things doesnt really have any effect on me anymore since i keep doing it.
and as much as i want to let go, there's one solution im going to void myself of doing.
and thats to find another alternative to these thoughts.
another avenue, another prey.
anyone who thinks im crazy from this post;
go ahead.
but i really am going mad if this prolongs any longer.
i just wish i hadnt even let time pass so fast.
im just gonna try the workaholic thing one more time.
if not..haha i think i'll just lash it all out at
tccanyhow;
today was pretty bad.
didnt even run..
sigh..did a hundred situps though.
going wakeboarding tmr (: super excited.
yeaps.gonna just overload myself till i reach maximum capacity then i'll see how.
grins.
oh yeah next yr;
i have
debates; sailing; mun; grade 8 examination.
AND im helping out for dance.
haha cool ah..
and did i mention? its my O LEVELS next yr.
grin. wish me luck
btw the osim uzap is $268.
(:.
im too bloody darn broke to spend my cash on that haha.
i'd rather keep running with my nice shoes .
and dammit. i lost my walk to remember cd
` repeat-
